Hello xanga world! I'm still here..

So in a just a few hours I’ll be turning the age I’ve always dreamed and pretended to be…19.  When I was little my cousins and friends would of course play pretend; my name would be either Cassie or Maria and I would always be “19”.  Looking at it now, 19 is just your last (thank God) year of being a “teenager” though in the scheme of things you’re not considered an adolescent.  There’s not much different.  It always feels a little weird every year I get older.  I take a step back and picture myself being the age I am.  I know that most likely doesn’t make any sense to you but it’s the way I see it.  Of course now I’m excited to be 20 then I’ll just be that much more anxious to be 21 and so on…until I get old enough to want to be young again.  I need to live it up while I still can.  I find I don’t act like a 19 year old.  I have my own place, with an excellent job and a sturdy head on my shoulders.  I don’t go out much.  I want to every now and then but for the most part I want to stay home and sleep or just relax and read a book.  I feel like I’m 30 but look 15.  I call my parents more than I do friends or acquaintances.  My mom has to convince me to go out on weekends I’m off work.  I don’t know what it is that makes me so…’poopy’ for lack of appropriate wording.  Well, for now, I’ll see how things go tomorrow.  It is ‘Thank God for Laci’ day you know.  Lol I mean – ‘Thanksgiving’ day.

Until next year (or thought)

-Face, over and out

So I go to work today with a ‘chipper’ mind frame and high expectations only for them to be later brought down by others.  I now work at Centennial Wireless, to update those who actually read this.  At first it was very, no highly, stressful and testing.  I knew I had to stay whether I wanted to quit or not, so during those times I took the insult, embarrassment, and correction and tried to only make matters better by improving.  Well I felt today to be a good day.  I was ready to make sales and try to meet quota.  I did four new activations and sold 3 Bluetooth headsets (that’s really good if you know anything about being a Centennial employee)!  My manager only seemed to feed me TABLESPOONS of negativity!  I was excited of the fact I have improved over all but more importantly at the fact I had done so well today.  That was all knocked down.  For instance, I told her I was on a ‘Bluetooth roll’ today and she shrugged her shoulders like ‘and I care because…’ as she stated something like “get to it then” rudely.  I feel I abide by the rules but when I mess up and I try to explain myself it only make matters worse, so I’ve started to drop it, say “yes ‘Mam” and walk away.  It doesn’t help me though.  Not one bit.  I want to say my piece.  I want to show her I’m not as incompetent as they may think and explain why I’m not.  It’s not fair.  But wait, how does the saying go?  “Life’s not fair?”  That’s the gayest thing I’ve ever heard.  There’s a time to get heard and time to keep it to yourself and I think I’ve kept it to myself long enough.  It’s making me miserable really.  So I’m done ranting even though I don’t feel any better about it.

So for those who follow the old saying “Life’s not fair,” can shove it up their ass!

-Laci

Me: I love you, let's make things work.

Lance:  I'm sorry baby; and I'm going to do whatever it takes to love you the right way.

-Awww! 

Boy did I have an eventful weekend.  I planned a date for this weekend and it went down kind of ‘shady’.   First off, I had to clean my house and wash/deal with my new car.  It was 5:00p.m once I was done, and I realized I had NO outfit to go on this date with.  I hurried over to Stage or something and dropped $100.00 (that I really could have used on other stuff right now) on a dress, earrings and a necklace, went back home and got ready in 20 minutes or so.  At this point I’m calling my date left and right and no one’s answering the phone, so I go to his house.  He’s asleep.  Dead asleep.  I could understand his exhaustion but he could have had the courtesy to call and let me know he was tired and going to bed.  But no – so I wait on him to shower and get ready, then we’re finally on our way.  Once at the restaurant we get a seat and order etc etc etc…then I tell him “Do you realize you’re talking with your mouth full?”  He says, “I do what the f*ck I want to” and gets really offended and starts to talk about how he’s not rich and how he doesn’t care what other people think.  Well I informed him I cared about his ‘talking with his mouth full’ and asked him if he cared what I thought.  He, contradicting himself, replied “Yes”.  I was offend, disgusted, and embarrassed at this point and told him we were going straight home after dinner.  I dropped him off only to soon get a phone call saying “I didn’t want you to get madder with me not telling you I’m doing open mic night.” Which that should tell any person – “Hey I’m doing this just to save my ass”.  So I didn’t go.  Instead I went out with some friends of mine in Lafayette and went to Nightown.  I had a blast and when I got back home I noticed a missed call from him.  It was late and I was still upset so, I didn’t call him back.  Well today I’m obviously back in town and I’ve text messaged him twice and called both his cell and house phone.  No answer.  I’m used to him now answering the phone now.  Do you know that the other night he didn’t answer my call but when I used my friend’s phone (her number was a Lafayette #) he picked IT up?!  How would you feel?  Well, with all that said, I guess I just missed out on a goodbye. 

-It can’t stay this way forever.  Something’s got to go.